The last three of my blogposts were a depressing mess - I get it. I think that's because of how nonchalant I am with the way I want my life to play out.

I would think of myself as a day dreamer. I tend to always worry about existence, meaning of life, what am I here for? absurdist BS. I'm also aware that sometimes it's too absurd of me to constantly attempt to over-rationalize existence because at the end of the day, life doesn't mean anything and we can do whatever we want anyway!

Yet, I still ping pong my brain to the two extremes of absurdism and existentialism, and conveniently, I can only write well when I'm on the latter. In the former, I'm to stimulated and content/happy/mindless to use my brain for any sort of self-reflection (Although I am trying to get that off to the other end as well)

Making sense of what make sense is always scratching the surface of absurdism. Life doesn't have a meaning! Of course it doesn't. I don't really want to take up debates of religion in the space of it all - because if free will exists or not - it's all the same to us when the sun sets.

Experimenting the way of life

Sometimes I just write without an idea.

That’s right. Sometimes I just write (or type) without a central idea. I don’t know what that it’s for - like this one for example. I do not have a point to make. But I’m still writing this. Maybe I think I’ll find my point along the way.

Is that how I’m living my life as well? It is probable to say that I might be.

It’s like you start talking a sentence but don’t know how it’s going to end. It’s not wrong - but what are you trying to say there?

The problem overarches to my philosophy of living. If I do it in the small things like writing and talking, it’s also happening in the bigger, more routine things. How many times do I wake up with no reason to wake up? Go somewhere with no singular clue or idea or plan on how it’s gonna play out? LIVE with no plan?

I don’t think it’s quite wrong to live a goal-less life. It has it’s own beauty. It’s like boat on water: you’re going with the flow and everything is flowing around you and there’s dolphins and sharks and windstorms and sunshines and you’re clinging onto your boat seeing all these things and wow life is…. damn. No goals removes the pressure of expectation. You don’t have to respond - just react.

Reaction is one way of living - react to approaches, oppurtunities, parties - look at those people dancing! Damn they are so cool / cringe man! I could never do that (or whatever floats your boat ).

There is no pressure of expectations from outside, and more importantly, yourself. You’re just a rock in a mountain, a grain of salt in the huge universe floating around and experiencing the wonders of reality hitting you hard. I mean, living without goals is kinda cool sometimes, we never have to constrict ourselves to a singular identity. You can be whatever you want to be whenever you want to be. You can try out dance, sports, heck be a skate-monster while also eating lots of food. That is so many things, just started without a reason or purpose or a goal - only because it’s fun. The sake of it.

The vacations that are spontaneous is always better than pre-planned perfect vacations. But they’re also the one that’s more likely to get you scammed or spend way too much than planned ones. Because you don’t know the place - you didn’t plan.