I hear dogs barking at me as I’m tying my piss-stained laces that I should have, in all honesty, tied way too long ago. But I was lazy, it rained, and the roads were so bad that the stain on my laces has become something I have consciously and accidentally inflicted on myself. As I put the second knot, I think to myself, “How did I even end up here?”

Maybe it’s a question that’s often asked by people as a way of introspection - but mostly, it is because they don’t like the situation they are at that time.

Like, think about it: do you ever ponder how life got you here unless either a) you don’t like where you are in life, or b) you’re really grateful?

But we all know it’s mostly a).

Existential crisis at the end of boredom.

Sometimes, one can have everything going well in their life: a safe job, a partner, friends, and a whole bunch of Apple products to show off - yet, there is this fleeting knot deep down in the back of your sanity that screams “Is this it?”

But in fact, you are just one step away from self-fullfillment: You need to upgrade to the latest iPhone - buy that discontinued overpriced bike - put a picture of your name, horribly written on an expensive coffee cup, with a Snapchat filter on — it would get 300 likes on your story!

What? It didn’t?

Well.. then.. you should sign up for events, attend workshops, and pretend to network while you fiddle with your calculator app in the corner of the room. Why isn’t life getting better?

That’s it! You should focus on your fitness. Buy a one year gym membership and skip 60% of your gym sessions to let your body “recover” from the 10-minute treadmill workout five days ago. Some progress that you celebrate with a chocolate cake!

You... you... you are me. It was me all along.

We are all victims of the same self-fulfilling prophecy: promises of a better future is just one year away - one more exam, job, relationship away until we reach the peak. We are all ants in a world of anteaters.

All crumbles down.

Unless you have been drowning in ignorance, all of this will come crumbling down one Saturday evening in the shower - where the water swirling in the drain will ask you the most important questions you won’t have answers to — and while the shampoo is expired, you begin to wonder if your youthful life has been, too.

The fog dissipates in the mirror and your face emerges reflecting your family’s biggest disappointment. There is a chess world champion younger than you - and lots of great people way better than you, having way better families, relationships, materialistic possessions in their vicinity, and there is no probable way you can experience the fun teenage life you wanted.

We are all slaves to something: parents, assignments, friends, attendance, validation, work, desires, goals, phones and jewelry. Not to mention, the lack of a sustainable lifestyle has already left us with an odd grey hair on our head even before we are twenty. GRAY HAIR AT TWENTY!!! And like when I was tying my piss-stained laces, the question mysteriously appears again in the back of our head: “How did I even end up here?”

So... what now?

I don’t know. This article is not going to give you hope. There is no way you can attain enlightenment in a 500-word article. And the world is too big for all of our problems combined, plus global warming.

Even the core principle of Buddhism is that life is suffering. The living ultimately cannot be satisfied at all. And it is only when we come to that grave realization - some sooner, some later, and some way later - that we can finally let go of the chains of our own making.

As if I didn’t glaze nihilism enough, I’m going to leave you with a little bit of positivity. In the end, we know that nothing matters, and since nothing will matter and we’re all turning into stardust anyway, we can do anything. Despite being aware that sometimes (or more) life is going to suck and that we’re the ants in a game where everyone else is an anteater, sometimes we can bite it’s nose - cause it to sneeze and enjoy the ride back to the ground!